Inside my head

Trying,
As hard as I can,
To make sense,
Of who I am,

I can’t,
Really understand,
The world?
Oh that’s easy,
It’s me,
That’s a pain in the ass,

Lies,
Just keep lying,
Till the lies get so big,
And then you’re silently dying,

Drop,
Down far below,
Where no one can see you,
Where no one one will know,

Expressing,
Emotions I’m horribly unsure of,
Just cause the walls are familiar,
Doesn’t mean I’m used to being caught,

Blades: a plenty,
Guns: an abundance,
Alcohol just a smidge behind,
Crates full of illegal substance,

Concoct,
Something that will hit,
Something that will make it stop.

Close the doors on your feelings,
Close your doors on the ones who care,
Explode inside,
So there is less despair,

To much can be left unsaid,
Love: left unshared,
But once the captor begins to talk,
All you can do is stare,

Stare and listen,
Believe every word,
The angel within you,
Going unheard,

Your battle has only begun,
You begin to remind yourself,
I’ve defeated it once,
I can do it again,

But doubt attacks faster,
Leaves you trembling,
And lost,

Every word uttered since,
Is just a crude,
No, a sarcastic,
Remark.

Punch the walls till you’re bleeding,
Yes, why don’t you keep on screaming,
See, no one hears you,
Why don’t you just stop breathing,

But those words are lies as well,
You know it,
You feel it,
But you’ve already dug your well,

Demons and insecurities,
Come to play,
Saying it’s everybody else’s fault,
That you feel this way,

But you’re better than that,
You can fight,
I just know it,
Don’t give up now darling,
Not when you can finally get out,

Open those doors that you closed,
Let the tears fall out,
People will come running,
Just shout, for heavens, shout,

The flood will wash you clean,
The love will make you sane,
And most important of all,
Your strength will always keep you safe.

 

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