beauty and the beast

in the fear of repetition i sit paralyzed-andwith the dim light of my laptop,an old friend comes to host. a muse so old,my bones ache for their touch,their presence;a second home.in the aftermath of our last visit,i stood bruised,undefeated but alone.oh my childhood companion,when'd you turn into a foe?for years we shared the same desires,the …

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on describing why i think im in love

in knowing you i have found that lossis in every minute of everyday,like your smile,that disappears, far to often,keeping me desperate,to act,react,bring it forth again.i have found that loss doesn't just explode,no-it is far more insidious.it diffuses,leaking gas to every corner,waiting for a stroke,a lit match,to explode.it permeates in every moment i live,i breathewith you.cause …

Can we be friends?

Friendships. I've been thinking a lot about what it is to be someone's friend,as recently, I was thrusted into a situation that was extremely uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. Starting from feeling like I was being rushed to feel the depths of emotion for a person that I didn't have, to feeling like I …

2022 Update

In the years that my life seemed to be getting on better tracks, I've left this blog to die. I felt like I had told and retold all versions of my pain and on a journey of what was a more healthier life this blog would not hold a strong place, mostly because this became …

the feeling of joy

mystified by early mornings,i riseto the vast lonely airvisiting my room thattickles my ear,with her soft whispers of"look outside" and as ipeer out my window,i see nothing except-eyes; searching for what i had wished to see. leaving it behind,i run-embarrassed,by my eagerness,to find- yet i feel hercaress my neckasking me to trycalling for you,only for …

musings from this silly heart of mine.

i've found myself yearning for more than i have,but i think,its already passed me- as though it were the wind, from when i was a childdeeply afraidof what would happen tomorrow,that came,to shiver,and escape my tightening embrace. prickling my skin,as i run my nails,across,trying to soothe,an itch. i want more than i can fathom,more than …

ramblings of a sad boi uwu lol

Trigger Warning: this poem is literally the ramblings of my very depressed and anxious mind and i talk about some life experiences such as being queer, the possibility of getting raped and the way my mental illness manifests within me, so please read with caution. i wish i was anyone but me often. someone who …

oh daydream, leave me alone.

memories of you fall in line,as songs we sang,fall to my lips,running down; hurried,only to become slowly stagnant. grasping one-two fingers,and finally my hand,a muffled heart squirming to gasp. how have you come to existence?and why must you go? i know it's known,but never has what is known,stopped one from hope. all ends reach their …

light

i sit in my room, looking out my window, the building in the distance, has sun shining its warmth on them. while my room, it sits in the dark, wishing for her kiss too. i kiss her too, in the laziness of summer, watch her eyes flutter, flecks of gold, remind me of a love …

wrote it thinking about you

sometimes love can't be emptied, no matter how parched- you can gasp, longingly, for reprieve. no matter how filled the jar, it refuses to leave. almost like gravity, has saved you from consuming me, or maybe, it saves me. it is almost insanity, but you can't have me, love has never guaranteed, access. but love …