Doubtful bouts of insanity

Have you ever sat in your room for ages,
Just hoping you smile.

Have you ever hid in your bathroom,
Just so everyone will leave.

Have you ever just sat coldly in a corner,
Just so no one will see.

Have you ever just wanted to stop walking,
Just so maybe you will finally breathe.

Have you ever wished so hard for something,
Just so hope remains within thee.

Have you ever held back in your emotions,
Just so maybe you become numb.

Have you ever wanted to believe in a God,
Just so someone can be blamed for the current scenery,

Have you?
Have I?

 

Do I say what makes sense?

Or make sense of what I say?

Is there one way out?

Or is there another way?

Do you love only once?

Or love many in different ways?

Do I smile at strangers?

Or do strangers smile at me?

Does my laugh sound fake?

Or is it that I am fake and my laugh follows suit?

Are we all just barbies and ken dolls?

Or humans that pave their own way?

I would like to hope for one thing,

But soon I hope for another,

Is it safe to always hope,

Or should I call for my mother,

Try to talk to her about life,

Or just simply cry,

My mother,

Oh how I miss her,

So close,

Yet farther away,

Then my lover,

That lives in another state,

Oh how I hope for it to get better,

But then I’m hoping once again,

Should I start to grovel,

Should I start to hustle,

Will I ever make it rain?

Hoping.Hope.

Powerful thing,

Can make lovers wait,

Centuries.

It gives to all,

Yet is selfish as well,

We could look at  it ,

As a monster,

That simply dwells,

Sits there in the back of our mind,

Always saying,

It’s ok,

Next time,

Yet if we didn’t have it,

We would never try,

And maybe succeed,

Or learn from our failures,

But isn’t it painful,

When you are a mother,

Hoping you kid will come back from war,

When you are a lover,

Hoping your scorned lover will come back for more,

When you are a wife,

Who hopes that her cheating husband will love her again some day,

Is this not hope,

Being ruthless,

Making them stay,

In pain.

Yet all these words,

They are simply just deranged.

We started from one thing,

And look where we are now,

In a web of complexities,

How does one get out,

Should I hope?

Should I pray?

Should I work?

Should I stay?

Who knows,

I can’t say.

 

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