random 2.0

 

Dear whoever,

It is currently 3:03  am as I write this and to be honest I am having a whole lot of feelings and I don’t know what to do with them so I have become numb.

(cue the Linkin Park)

I’ve been noticing it for weeks now, the sudden productivity, the haste to want to do things, the laying in bed, binge eating and anxiety,  all signs to what has finally blown up.

Dissociation.

I blacked out and woke up to doing something, (let’s just say something potentially harmful) and it startled me.

Had me “shook”.

It’s a strange feeling, losing time, not being sure of what is and how you got here.

To be honest, it makes you feel pretty insane like you should be locked up somewhere in a facility because you aren’t fit for society.

It makes you feel like you need constant supervision by someone because what if the next time, it is something far more dangerous.

I have a tough time sharing this with people because well you sound like the definition and stereotype of a mental patient who has to be locked in a safely padded box, with restraints to stop you from hurting yourself.

Dissociation is, to be simple af, scary.

terrifying.

frightening.

petrifying.

Basically just Google synonyms of scary and insert here because that’s what it feels like when you realize you weren’t fully aware of what just happened.

I’m not even sure I’m making sense at this point, but I just needed to vent it all out.

I don’t know how I’m going to talk to my family about this without them thinking I’m making this shit up for attention.

But I need help, so I’m probably going to have to.

I guess that’s it.

-Snig(is outta here.)

 

 

 

 

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