Letter to an old friend

I never thought I’d be writing this letter, after all our friendship ended “not amicably”, to say the least. But you were my best friend once upon a time, someone I saw greatness in, a greatness that I was both in awe and jealous of.

Between the two of us, you were the one who was more outgoing and unafraid to chase after the dreams you had for your life. I know it wasn’t easy for you, believe me, I know that I definitely added fuel to the gasoline that was already burning on top of you. I’d say I didn’t know any better, but I did and I did it anyway.

No excuses.

I was a trashy human being to you.

You’ve always stood up for things you believed in and while I did the same, I wasn’t as much of a fighter as you are.

You, my friend, kick ass.

I, on the other hand, kick my own ass more than I kick life’s.

Seeing how your life has turned out makes me ridiculously proud and I can’t help but want to tell the people around me and say that’s my friend.

And I do, only to be followed by this awkward silence, and a quiet murmuring of  “well we used to be.”

I wish I could reach out to you and shower you with all the compliments I’m storing inside but I don’t think I’ll ever be able too, so I’ll just stuff those feelings down, deep down.

I’m scared.

Truly terrified of reaching out to you, only to be rejected.

Probably because I know I deserve to be rejected and you’d be crazy to do anything else.

I’m sure you probably don’t even think about me anymore because that’s how far you’ve moved on in life, while I still stay your quiet awkward friend, watching you and wishing you the best.

You’ve gone through a lot to make it to where you are and I just wish for you more growth, strength, and happiness.

you deserve it.

–  Snig


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