Hello internet most days I write the stories I’ve been told or heard about in first person as people do not wish to raise suspicions but today this dude’s story, this story I cannot take credit for , I cannot say that I have thought of this. I thank you for thinking I could do justice to your story and try and explain your feelings at the time this was happening.
The skies were dark. The weather was cold. Black clouds appeared wherever he used to go. This was now life. The constant depression , the constant fear and the constant need to be in pain. The pills, the knives, the scars , those low times that no one knew about. Each day was not a new beginning but a new end, the glass was not half full nor was it half empty it simply did not exist. This was now life. The constant depression, the constant fear and the constant need to be in pain.
He woke up one morning feeling different, feeling unusual, feeling unlike himself. As though some time during the night someone had entered his body and replaced his mind and soul with someone else. He said goodbye to his friends, goodbye to his family, goodbye to the old life he lived, he escaped into his own bedroom, into his own mind. Little did he know his mind was not an escape it was where all his problems lay and the longer he sat all alone in the darkness looking at the fan rotate the problems continued to create and create until he was convinced that he had no one, that the world was his enemy.
Each day was a struggle, a fight to live or die yet the amount of strength he showed in his weakest moments is something I wish I could live by. He lived in his own world with all the pain and misery he created for himself and even though the thought occurred several times in day , he never took his life.
He cut, he swallowed , he even got himself beaten up by people , it was as though pain was his only friend and without it he felt lonely , slightly crazy and he needed his next fix in hours, minutes.He couldn’t stop. Down and down he went into the dark abyss,until he reached rock bottom and had scars every place he could reach, injuries everywhere he could receive and words of his uselessness were branded into his head. His grades fell from straight A’s to F’s, his social life fell from Mr. Popular to Who is he? His family knew nothing about him , he became a mystery to his own parents and either they didn’t care or they didn’t approach him but none the less he really had become all alone, in a fight with himself.
At a time where he was in desperate need for someone to see that he was in pain.There was no one.
At a time where he needed someone to hold him in a long loving embrace. There was no one.
At a time where he couldn’t hold himself up and needed support of his several friends. There was no one.
At a time where even the simplest how are you doing or a gesture showing concern could have helped. Not one single soul reached out to him.
Instead they abused him for his change, the abused him for his scars, they made fun of what was happening to him. Never once did they think that something could be wrong. At a time where he was fragile and could have easily taken his own life , there was no one to stop him. Yet he still lives and today he told me his story , how people could not understand that a person in depression will not tell you , will not talk to you, will try to push you away as far as they can. But they need someone to see , they need someone to empathize, they need someone to help them from themselves.
He wants his story to be heard so several people out there who are depressed will know that they have him and they have me and at if ever you need someone to just listen to you, someone to stop you, someone to talk to you, someone to just be there we are here for you and we are always free for you if you need our help.
Internet raise your voices, people are the only ones who can help people. Next time a member of your family, or a friend begins to fade away from the group, wants to stay away from people or stays locked in their room. Try to find out why, depression hits way to many people and not many of us survive to tell the tale. We need more people to empathize, sympathize, to talk to, to just listen. Not always do they need advice sometimes they simply need to know that someone is there and with time they won’t be depressed , they will change but don’t expect this in a few months or a few days, it could take years but please do not give up because sometimes the fact that everyone has given up on them can push them across the line that they were staying behind till that date.
The world wants to know your pain. Talk don’t be afraid to let yourself be heard. Depression does not have to have a reason. It can hit anyone, at anytime and at any place.
Good bye internet and lets try to change. One step at a time.